I have a diagnosed condition called Dissociative Identity Disorder[1] and what you are describing as desirable (a mindful awareness of inner emotions during conversations etc) is a state that with my condition means that I would technically be in a dissociative state - i.e. observing events unfolding in the third person (sorta aka 'viewer' mode) since to observe ones thoughts as they are formed means you are not fully part of them. One of my shrinks assured me that this 'was not a good thing ('normal') ' thing to do mainly because <reasons> but also because if you do so you miss out on the ‘thrills’ of life (i.e. Experiencing emotions rather than Observing emotions).

Inner/Self reflection is a great thing and I’ve found it one of the many helpful things about doing (my own cobbled together form) of meditation and it is nice to see that others are also exploring thoughts and ideas as their self understanding progresses.

There is however a concept called being centred / grounded. As far as I understand it that is the sense of when all things are humming along in an inner symphony of state aka when all dials in the green and all the horses/monkeys are pulling equally and together and things just …. flow. ‘I’ cease to exist and instead become the ‘moment’.

I too have wondered about the ‘how to bring that sense of inner observation’ back with me from a meditative state so what bamurphymac1 said is a good answer with some good solutions

[1] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dissociative_identity_disorder

Boring answer: More time on the cushion ~= more moments of insight off of it.

Hacker answer: use timers, silent alarms on your phone, etc. depending on the circumstances to redirect your attention and set intentions for your activity.

You have a different definition than a therapist would give - mindfulness is often defined as being present in the moment. The meditative practice of being aware of thoughts and feelings is a tool to stay mindful - to catch how you are thinking, and direct it back to the moment if/when you drift. But getting caught in the moment and fully engaged in a conversation or programming is being mindful. Mindfulness is about engaging, not holding oneself at a distance and watching.

For me, your first definition is meditation itself. I’ve always considered mindfulness as being engrossed in something without distracting thoughts.

When I’m “lost” in programming or conversation, I feel I’m doing it right :)

Thanks for your response!

In the case of conversation, I feel as though being lost is counter to a equanimous and relaxed conversation. For example, I may disagree with with the other party, and become overbearing. Or I may feel uncomfortable, a mind racing, and unable to relax into a conversation. These I recognise in hindsight, but not in the moment.

Programming may be harder to articulate, perhaps posture is analogous? Maintaining good posture while being lost in programming. Or being mindful of my shortcomings as a programmer while typing.

Though being “lost” in an activity does resonate with me, and appear as a positive. So I wonder if there are different strains of “lostness”. Some helpful, and others not.

A man lost in a moment of road rage is surely not doing right. Nor is one who neglects or doesn’t value the needs of a loved one in the moment.

How do you view these different forms of being lost?

If I may answer?

>>In the conversation...<< That is understandable. I often feel the same worry/desire/hindsight. A therapist suggested that doing some gentle mental self-reassurance / self affirmation exercises beforehand would help. (Which for me it does - but only sometimes)

>>Programming..<< Silent timers as suggested elsewhere for that. I.e. it's time to check-in on myself. They don't work well for me but seem to work well for a lot of other people. Currently I am trying to associate a real world ‘what time is it?’ with also doing a self check-in.

>>A man lost..<< I am slowly becoming able to spot those moments and 'shift up a gear' to do a mental check-in (STOP + HALT techniques). Learning how to do this so that it becomes an instinctive/automatic response is hard and I stumble more often than I manage to walk but the fact that I can at times manage it demonstrates to me that it is possible to do and also that if I remember to send a mentally self generated ‘dopamine hit’ immediately when the ‘take a deep breath first’ instinct kicks in then the neurons that fire together will wire together. Regarding the ‘regret’ aspects – true; but you are also human. A heartfelt apology and explanation is the best (least worst?) way of dealing with those.